Bear with me — this article is long, but so is the wait in traffic to get to work (the very topic of this piece)

Hands up — how many of you have to be at work by 8:30 a.m.?

Hands up again — how many of you have to drop the kids to school on the way?

And now, hands up one last time — how many of you have to somehow navigate the throngs of traffic, drop the kids to a school that opens at 8 a.m., and then miraculously make it to your office 30 minutes later to pay for said school?

Make it make sense.

As a former remote worker, I used to avoid the madness of morning traffic. I could actually be productive — imagine that — by 9 a.m., instead of sitting in my car questioning all my life choices on the Linford Pierson. But now, having returned to an on-site role, I’m reminded just how bad the situation has become on this tiny island.

Now, I’m speaking for my eastern folks — my Prospect people and Red Bay neighbours. Something has to be done about the completely ineffective diversions used during school drop-offs at Red Bay Primary. Not only do they make no sense, but they also give drivers with zero common sense or common decency a shortcut that adds about 25 extra minutes to our morning crawl into that roundabout.

And don’t even get me started on the Bobby Thompson merge offenders — you know who you are. The ones who speed down the outside lane, pretending not to see the line, and then squeeze in at the last second like they’re VIPs of chaos. You should be fined, ticketed, and sentenced to 30 days of driving behind the slowest cement truck on the island.

Because that move alone adds another 30 minutes to everyone’s commute.

But honestly, it’s not just about bad roads — it’s about bad behaviour. I said it before when I wrote about drunk driving: no amount of fines will change the mentality of drivers who simply do not care. Cayman traffic is a reflection of that — an island-wide case study in impatience, entitlement, and pure disregard for others.

Think about what we could all do with that extra hour every morning. Breakfast with the kids. A morning workout. Maybe even getting to work on time without feeling like you’ve survived a triathlon.

So, what’s the fix?

First off, we need a stronger police presence. Drivers are like toddlers — if you’re watching, they behave. The second you turn your back, all hell breaks loose.

Second, revisit the road layouts that were clearly never meant to be long-term solutions. The Red Bay school drop-off system is Exhibit A.

Third, we have to face the hard truth:

1. We have too many cars on this island.

2. No amount of new roads, roundabouts, or bypasses will fix it.

3. Public transport must be a priority — not an afterthought. It needs to be reliable, safe, and something people actually want to use.

4. And finally, driver mentality has to change.

No more “Wild Wild West” on our roads.

I like the new “three strikes and you’re out” rule being proposed for taxi drivers — but why stop there? Let’s roll it out to all drivers. Maybe if 1,000 licenses were suspended a day, we’d start to see some order return to our commutes.

Until then, I’ll see you all in traffic. Probably somewhere near the roundabout. Still waiting.